Wake up one morning you realize your life is one big compromise (compromise). Stuck in the job you swore was only temporary (was only temporary). Feel like the world is passing you by. Never done all the things you wanted to try. Stuck in one place, got a pain in your face from all your stressing out. You ask yourself, “There’s got to be more than what I’m living for (what I’m living for; what I’m living for).” You ask yourself, “There’s got to be something else; something more, more, MORE!”
Well let the sun shine on your face and don’t let your life go to waste. Now is the time, got to make up your mind. Let it shine on you. Let it shine on you…
- Laura Izibor, “Shine”, Let the Truth Be Told
I’m sitting on a flight that’s headed to my new life and I’m listening to Laura Izibor’s “Shine”. As I get closer to the sun I realize that he ain’t got nothing on me right now because I am gleaming with joy. The lyrics state, “You asked yourself, ‘There’s got to be more than what you’re living for.’” I don’t know if I can explain how exhilarating that is right now, but it’s like I’m looking at the state of what my life could have become and seeing what it is about to become. I am quite literally in the middle of my destiny. The stark contrast is still awe-inspiring and I can’t help, but to smile as I visualize my future.
The lyrics continue with, “Let the sun shine on your face and don’t let your life go to waste. Now is the time, got to make up your mind. Let it shine on you; let it shine on you.” It feels like the Lord said this to me a long time ago and I simply replied, “Okay!” If heaven is through the clouds, then we are now literally and figuratively closer than before. I was, “Stuck in the job [I] swore was only temporary. [Felt] like the world [was] passing [me] by…” Imagine looking back at the fork in the road and knowing that you went right. I’m realizing that there was “…more than what [I was] living for.”
Don’t let the joyfulness fool you. This has not been all smiles and assurance. I’m surely going to miss my California family as they have held me down for so long and I truly trust them with my kindness, ergo, I have so many unanswered questions. Can I trust the people of DC with my empathy? Will I have friends/family that will drive hours to see me and support me with an unconditional love? What if another friend dies? Will they all come to console me and do everything to make sure that I’m okay? Can I trust DC to save my life the way my CA family has? I don’t know, but as I cried in the shower this morning I eventually washed away the tears of sadness and loneliness; of missing the people close to me; of heartache. It was at that moment that the sun shone through my window on the water. As the water reflected the light to illuminate the bathroom I decided to wash away the doubt, the fear, and the hesitation; to let the sun shine on my face. No longer stuck in the job I swore was only temporary. No more asking, “There’s got to be more than what I’m living for.” I let the sun shine on my face because I’m not letting my life go to waste. Now is the time and I made up my mind to let the sun “Shine” on me.
- Shanā McClendon (7/14/2010)
On Cloud 9 (literally)
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